he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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