Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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