i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize