i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize