I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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