Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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