I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
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I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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