A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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