She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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