hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize