6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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