please come you make the beer taste better
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize