Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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