We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize