Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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