My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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