No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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