Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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