I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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