What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
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I queefed so loud it echoed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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