I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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