I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize