I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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