Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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