you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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