shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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