I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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