ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize