I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
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Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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