I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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