Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
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I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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