I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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