I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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