I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
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we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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