im having a threesome with these popsicles
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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