Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
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As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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