dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize