I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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