and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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