I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize