my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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