apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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