Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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