I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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