and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
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I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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