nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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