I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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