Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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