the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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