No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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